So this evening I was feeling particularly down, and just starting Googling stuff for ways to make myself feel better (I do this from time to time) and stumbled upon a website about body image. While browsing around, I came upon this thing called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). Ever curious about things I’ve never heard of before, I did a little research on it and nearly had a heart attack as I read.
I have virtually all of the behaviors of this.
- Constantly looking in mirrors
- Avoiding photographs
- Seeking reassurance from others
- Skin picking/touching
- Comparing myself with others
- Extreme confidence to extreme self doubt
- Delusional thoughts
- Extreme sensitivity to compliments and criticism
- Social withdrawal
- Feelings of shyness and shame
- “Love shyness” (avoidance of relationships)
- Random hostility towards family members
- Inability to focus/concentrate to due obsessive thoughts
I HAVE ALL OF THOSE FUCKING SYMPTOMS.
I think (based on what I’ve read) that I have a mild version of it, as apparently some of this stuff can get quite serious. I’m not one who likes to self-diagnose, but maybe, just maybe, the fact that these feelings of “something is wrong with me” HAS A NAME just…helps. Like I said, chances are I don’t have it, but…
I feel like crying, because suddenly, it HAS A NAME. It feels like it MAKES SENSE, because I knew, I KNOW, that all the problems I feel can’t be as bad as they seem, yet somehow feel that they do.