Random affairs of the heart…
So I’m seeing someone on Thursday. I haven’t spoken with him in a while, not since this summer, and the butterflies are all in my stomach.
Why am I nervous? Because I was kind of in a
sort of relationship with him two years ago. I don’t know what it was, really. We met, got super close, spent a lot of time together, saw movies, shared interests. He more or less told me he loved me, I got scared and uncomfortable and I bolted the hell out of there.
To be honest, I don’t know why I want to see him again. All I can remember is the brief flickering of gratitude I felt toward him when he came to see me this summer and how much I miss talking with him all the time when I was a freshman.
I’m still debating whether or not I’m going to say it to him, but I almost want to say sorry for hurting him, if I did. Because he’s definitely the kind of person who wouldn’t tell you he’s hurting. I’ve (unintentionally) hurt people before, but it’s never bothered me more than the possibility that I’ve hurt HIM, because I did care for him a lot. I suspect that I still do.
Or I’m just a creature of brash impulse and decided that I wanted to see him again because I miss him and I’m making this far too sentimental. That is just as likely.